It is Day 3 for Lily Belle, and as I sit here holding her, and listening to the rain falling outside, it occurs to me that a tradition has developed, which is that mornings have become daddy and Lily's time together. Mommy usually stays up with her as long as her body will allow, but "although the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak", and even the super human strength of Lily's mom is subject to shear exhaustion. For anybody who knows me, will know, that this is extraordinarily ironic. For I am NOT a "morning person". But, Lily has changed that for me in these last three days. The mornings are the only extended time we have alone together, just the two of us, and I love it, as I love her so very much.
That first morning in the hospital, we got to watch her first sunrise. From our fifth floor room with an beautiful eastern view, it was a full experience. She looked so incredibly serene in that newly born sunlight. I simply had to snap some pictures in an attempt to capture that image. Pictures never do seem to fully capture beauty quite as well as I wish they would. But, I suppose that is why God gave us memory. Her face is perfectly preserved in my mind, in that moment, forever, and that perfect image belongs only fully, to me. Speaking of special moments that are only her's and mine, later that morning I got to take her to the nursery to give her, her first full bath. I won't lie, the nurse did most of the work on that one, but I helped, if only in that awkward "dad way" when it comes to caring for a child. Then something surreal happened, a lady with a full sized harp came in and began playing for us during bath time. Lilly loved it. So did dad. When we finished, the nurse handed me the prettiest girl in the world, (it's a three way tie for me really). And while her nurse went to get some paperwork, I asked the harpist if she could play "Canon in D" by Pachelbel. She said nothing and only smiled, and then began playing the most beautiful rendition, of my favorite classical piece, that I'd ever heard. And Lily and I shared her first dance. This belongs to just Lil and me, and I will cherish it forever. God is so very good, thank you.
Our second morning together was a little rough. That was our first night at home, and nerves and worry kept both Heather and I awake most of the night. Lily had several of her apnic episodes the early part of the evening, each time we hold her close, hold her hand, kiss her and talk to her, and do our best to make her know we are with her. So far, each time, she has managed to fight her way back. She is so strong. It comes from her mother. But these repeated traumatic, and fully mortal events had left us physically and emotionally spent. As a result, that second morning was a blur. Lots of exhaustion, lots of emotion, but still rewarding. Lily and I both spend that morning contending with the flesh, and both of us, at times, felt we were losing. The most positive emotion I felt is best described as love and thankfulness. The other emotions are far to dark to share. In the most intense moments, the words that pour out are that; my heart is so indescribably full, and yet breaking at the same time. I can tell you that one of the many things that God has shown me through our experience with Lily is how to pray in the Spirit. I had never really and truly experienced that Biblical concept until my second morning with Lily. Left broken of any and all will of self, and totally submissive to the will of my savior I could only point my face toward heaven and call out the words given to me by the Holy Spirit of God. I have nothing worthy of offering to The Lord, so I offered up what the Spirit gave me, and found myself truly repentant and grateful for His grace and His mercy, and for giving me even one moment with this perfect child. And then my body could take no more. My mother came over to watch her and Heather and I finally slept, if only a couple of hours. We went on to have a decent day, with several visitors, and lots of commotion. We even had a little photo session with the kids. And, the evening ended without any breathing episodes. We actually started to feel like we had shared her a little too much that day. I know that may seem selfish, but that is how we felt anyway. Its's just that time is so limited, and although we want to give her a little to everyone, we want to keep most of her for ourselves. To savor each millisecond with her and her family. And so I find that even in this selfish way I find myself infinitely blessed, because the mornings are only mine and Lily's.
This brings us back to Day 3, this morning, here we are together again. It's quiet, her mother is finally sleeping, it has started to rain, and we are spending our time together. I'm praying again this morning, this time that there will be no lesson missed as we spend more time, gifted to us by the Almighty Creator, with my daughter. She had a little apnic fit a while ago, just in case I forget, for even a moment, that I am being taught to live fully in the present. However, she recovered quickly this time, and I didn't even have to wake her mother. I could sit a watch her for hours and hours and not even begin to get bored. I can't stop kissing her, every time it occurs to me, which is alot. I suggest, that anyone who can, do the same with their own children. You just can't comprehend how precious it is to have the opportunity to kiss your children, so don't ever let a single chance go by without indulging. When I do, I think my prickly old whiskers must tickle her little cheeks because she smiled a little at me this morning. This revealed her little dimple on her right cheek. A little hereditary gift from her papa Litchford, and shared by her brother. She makes it look prettier than they do, sorry, but she does. She has another photo session this morning with a photographer who is a friend of a friend, and who's services were provided to us for free. So many people have been so gracious to us these past few weeks, and especially these last few days. It encourages me, and gives me back some hope in humanity to see genuine compassion from so many people. Everyone knows how cynical I tend to be. Here is yet another way Lily has ministered to me, by showing me that there is good in people, and particularly people bought by the saving blood of Christ. What would this world be if Jesus had not come when he did to bring light and love back into this dark and self-serving world? Thank you, to everyone who has shown genuine love and concern for our family, and thanks and praise to our Savior, who's ultimate act of love, has made it possible for us to reflect that love to others.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thank you for your comment. We appreciate it.