Perfect Parents

April 2nd, 2013

      Good afternoon!  Sorry, but dad just didn't have it in him to blog this morning.  In fact, my morning with Lily was necessarily cut short, very early, because as it turns out I am mortal after all.  The fact is that dad is simply exhausted, and I guiltily slept for at least 6 strait hours from about 4:00am to just after 10:00am this morning.  We are out on Lily's first outing, and I am sitting in the car with her while Heather is enrolling Daisy for kindergarten.  I really don't like waiting in the car, evidently neither does Lily.  So to pass the time, I'm writing.  Lily is doing well, and hasn't had any breathing episodes in over 48 hours now.  Even so, Heather and I just can't quite bring ourselves to allow her to spend more than a few minutes at a time out of our arms.  This concept has been the subject of much conversation between us, Lily's parents, for the last couple of days now.  We need sleep, but fear of what may happen consumes us, and we can't bring ourselves to put her down. We feel that we must keep watch at all times so that, if she starts to slip away, we can both immediately be right there with her.  My heart nearly stops with fear at the very thought of my not being with her when the time comes.  It would make me the worst dad in the world, if I missed that moment just so  I could sleep a little, right? This is in addition to the regular  stuff that all new parents struggle with, which is that babies cry when you put them down.  The temptation is always to give them whatever they want, because we  love them and want them to be happy.  We, as parents, don't want them to be upset, especially when they are so small and innocent.  So we spoil them.  Which, lo and behold, makes them rotten! 

    The other night, we were talking about this very subject, and a thought came to me.   As a joke, I said "well, it doesn't really matter of we spoil this one anyway, so spoil away."  I am sorry for how morbid that sounds.  I am really only realizing how morbid a joke that is, as I see it written before me right now.  But, I suppose it serves to give a glimpse of the atmosphere around here as of late.  Anyway, I got to thinking a little deeper about what I meant by that.  What is it, like any attempt at humor, that leaves us thinking, "yea that's true".  In this case it is because we know that Lily will not live into adulthood.  I realize that doesn't make the joke any funnier by any means, but bear with me here, there is a point developing.  The thing that makes a parent a good parent, is not our ability to keep our kids happy all the time.  Nor is it preventing them from being upset or disappointed.  But a good parent is one who can best prepare their children for adulthood.  Our job as parents are to mold, groom, train, discipline, and prepare our kids to cope with an unloving,  hostile, depraved, violent, and dying world.  At the same time we are to teach them how to find joy, kindness, contentment, peace, and love in such a world.  Many times this means purposefully depriving them of the things they think they want.  And yes, sometimes it can even mean allowing bad or even hurtful things to happen to them, in order to teach them important lessons about life.  These concepts would do little good if we did not, at the same time, teach our kids from God's word about: kindness, forgiveness, grace, mercy, and the love of Jesus Christ.  These things are what make a good parent.  Like nearly everything else that is truly good, it requires restraint and self-discipline from us as parents, to achieve.  The poorly conceived joke about us and Lily Belle only reflects that we get to be off the hook on some of these self-restraining  parenting exercises.  The humor is an attempt to relieve the excessive strain caused by the notedly heavier burdens required of us due to Lily's condition.  But once again, the situation with Lily points us to the very valuable parenting lessons taught by our Heavenly Father's example.  He is, after all, the only truly perfect parent.  

     God sometimes allows us to reap severe consequences for our actions in order to teach us important life lessons.  (Hebrews 12:9-11).  God, at times, even punishes us in order to save us from our selfish and destructive behavior.  The Bible tells us that He does this because he loves us. (Proverbs 3:11-13).  Also, as we know all too well,  God allows us to experience trials in our life in order to strengthen us, and to accomplish His purposes in us and through us.  (Romans 5:3-5)   As a matter of fact, the Word of God tells us we should be grateful for trials, because they are how God accomplishes His purposes in us.(1 Peter 1:6-7).  Needless to say, we, like children, do not by nature like or enjoy suffering.  At times, the suffering we experience while God is working on and through us, seems far to difficult to bear.  But God promises that if we will be patient, place our faith and trust in Him, in due time He will "strengthen, stablish, and settle you" .  (1 Peter 5:10).  We can lead our children to better understand these Biblical concepts later in adulthood, by following God's example in our own parenting.  It will not only help our kids in the immediate by teaching them right and wrong and so on, but it will enable them to recognize how God is dealing with them later in their adulthood whenever they are facing trails.  

     I apologize if I'm starting to get a little too  "preachy" in this post.  But due to the trial we are experiencing with Lily at this time, I am spending a considerably greater measure of my time and attention on prayer, reflection, and study of God's word.  As a result, that is what is coming out.  (Luke 6:45).  We want so badly to be perfect parents for all our children, even though we know we can't always be.  Through the reality of Lily's limited time, God  has provided motivation for us to try even harder than ever, to be obedient to God's word in how we parent.  We sometimes let ourselves become  lackadaisical because we take the time we have with our children for granted.  Lily has shown us how foolish this is.  We pray that everyone will stop for a moment and internalize this truth: that time is limited, and we must not let the opportunity pass to make the sacrifices necessary to teach our children life's  important lessons.  Our thanks goes out to all who have responded to these blog posts.  It is extraordinarily uplifting to hear how so many people have  come to love for a little girl that they have, in many cases, never even met.  What a miracle!  Maybe there is hope for mankind after all.  Lily Belle causes me to be so hopeful.

-Brian (Lily Belles Dad)